


Burning Alive

by spaze_cat



Series: Fanbook Submissions [1]
Category: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (TV 2012), Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - All Media Types
Genre: Completed, M/M, One Shot, fanbook submission
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-18
Updated: 2017-09-18
Packaged: 2018-12-31 05:04:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,379
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12125127
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spaze_cat/pseuds/spaze_cat
Summary: There are many ways to burn...((Fanbook Submission for the "Fire Meet Gasoline" fanbook dedicated to Donnie/Raph. It was posted way back in like March, and I only just got around to posting this here...))





	Burning Alive

**Author's Note:**

> Part 1: Flames (Donnie plays with fire)
> 
> Part 2: Burned (Donnie gets burned)
> 
> Part 3: Ignition (Donnie fuels the flame)

 

**~~~**  
**Part 1: Flames**  
**~~~**

“Hey!” calls Donnie, “Hey, Raph! Look at this!”

“What is it?” Raph asks, though he doesn’t even look up from the television.

“Guess what color lithium burns?” Donnie asks happily.

Raph fights to keep his attention focused on the game. Donnie already knows how interested Raph is in knowing the answer to that question, but the hothead doesn’t need to spell it out for him either. When Donnie doesn’t blurt out the color, Raph glances over at him, asking the question with his eyes.

“Nope, I’m not gonna tell you,” says Donnie, “Come find out for yourself.”

Raph pouts, but it goes unseen by his brother, who’s already turned to head back into his sanctuary of a lab. Raph looks around to make sure no one else is watching him, then sighs and hops over the back of the couch, following his brother.

It’s Donnie’s project of the week. He’s doing some kind of experiment called the flame test, which basically entails setting a bunch of stuff on fire and recording what color each thing burns. There’s more to it than that, of course, because along with pictures and detailed descriptions, Donnie’s been including equations and squiggly lines he calls wavelengths in with his results. It’s all stuff that gives Raph headaches just to look at, but that seem to be fascinating to Donnie.

Maybe that’s why Raph’s so interested, because Donnie is.

Different colored flames are pretty cool and all – it’s like watching something straight out of Harry Potter – but what Raph _really_ looks for is the shimmer in Donnie’s eyes when he studies the flames, the way his snout crinkles in concentration and how his tongue just barely peeks out of his mouth. Something about it is captivating to Raph, even more mesmerizing than the flames. There’s something magical about that look of curiosity and awe, the forces that have possessed his brother into constantly seeking answers to the questions none of the rest of his family care to ask.

So Raph takes any chance he gets to witness it.

“Alright, alright, I’m up,” Raph gripes, feigning disinterest, pretending he’s only humoring Donnie. “Go on, set it up.”

Donnie hands him a pair of safety goggles, which Raph begrudgingly puts on. The first six times Donnie told him he had to wear them for the experiment, Raph had put up one shell of a fight. But Donnie has a way with words like no one else, can get Raph to see the logic in his reasoning without having to resort to yelling it in his face.

Understanding how crucial the goggles are – despite the fact he hates how they look – Raph straps them on anyways. Donnie’s wearing them too, so it’s not like he can tease him about it, not that he ever has.

Then, Donnie turns on the Bunsen burner resting on his desk. He quickly lights a match, and carefully lowers it to the mouth of the burner. The invisible gas ignites, and Donnie adjusts the flame until it’s a tiny blue cone, with a larger, barely visible blue cone surrounding it.

Raph tries not to openly stare at Donnie’s face, but he can’t help it. It’s almost a new kind of pleasure, like the taste of pizza, or watching a good fighting match on tv, or the joy of mastering a new kata before Leo. When Raph sees the glimmer rise in Donnie’s reddish brown eyes, something twists inside of him. Something warm, and completely foreign, yet still very much welcome.

“Here we are,” Donnie mumbles, gripping a pair of modified tongs and using them to pick up a tiny strip of metal that Raph assumes is the lithium. “Ready?”

“Sure,” Raph says nonchalantly, pretending he couldn’t care less. But he’s here, isn’t he? And he knows Donnie’s not buying the act. He says nothing about it, however.

Donnie lowers the metal strip into the flames, and Raph watches them change from a steady hot blue to a bright crimson red.

“Your favorite color,” Donnie says quietly, “Just like your mask.”

Raph glances up at his brother, but Donnie isn’t looking at the flames. He doesn’t wear the look of intense concentration, of scientific awe, but the expression on his face now is so much better. It’s soft, and perfect, and if the previous expression made him feel warm, this look sets him on fire.

Raphael wonders what color he burns.

 

**~~~  
Part 2: Burned  
~~~**

“We’re almost there, Donnie,” Leo says firmly, supporting his brother’s right side while Raph supports his left.

“I know,” Donnie says through gritted teeth, “I didn’t hit my head, Leo. I still know where we live.”

“Right,” Leo says quietly, pressing his mouth shut until it’s nothing more than a line.

_Donnie’s gonna feel bad about that later_ , Raph thinks to himself. _Another thing I’ll have to apologize for: making him irritable enough to snap at his brothers._

When they get back, Leo stops to explain what’s happened to their concerned father. He’ll be telling him about how it was all Raph’s fault, no doubt. He was stupid, and brash, and his mistake could’ve gotten Donnie killed. He’ll be doing everyone’s chores for a month, and Leo will never let him live it down regardless of whether or not Donnie gets a brand new scar from this.

But he’d take all of that punishment and more if he could just undo what he did tonight.

Raph and Mikey practically carry their brother to the infirmary, following his muffled direction to help him to the sink. Donnie places his leg into it and turns on the clean, cold water. It’s on the most gentle setting, but Donnie lets out a whimper before regaining his composure. The sound cuts right through Raphael like a blade, shaming him for being the cause of his brother’s pain.

“Get the burn ointment,” Donnie says, trying to keep his voice level and calm. “It’s on the third shelf, three from the left.”

Mikey is already over there by the time Raph even registers Donnie’s words, so he stays by Donnie’s side, feeling useless and ashamed.

“I can’t believe it was a foot-bot,” Donnie says through a nervous chuckle, hissing in a breath and squeezing his eyes shut when he pours antibacterial soap on his wound.

“It’s not fair they get flamethrowers,” Mikey gripes from the cabinet, spotting the ointment and grabbing it. “Remember back when we were fighting actual human ninjas instead of robots? Then at least the fight was fair!”

“No it wasn’t,” says Donnie, “One of us could take down ten of them. I’m surprised it took them so long to realize they were no match for us.”

“Ah, those were the days,” Mikey sighs wistfully. He goes on about some pleasant memory of kicking human foot ninja butt, but Raph’s no longer listening.

Instead he stares at the large burn on Donnie’s leg. If he stares hard enough, he can almost see the flesh still bubbling. He thinks of the scream Donnie let out when the flames got to him, blistering his skin and cooking him alive…

He knows, somehow, that he will never forget that tortured sound. It will haunt his nightmares for weeks, give him even more reason to hate himself for months, but no matter how much time passes, he will never forget it.

“Raph,” Donnie says, his voice surprisingly gentle.

“Yeah?” Raph answers, swallowing the lump in his throat.

Donnie looks like he’s going to say something, but pauses, glancing over at Mikey as the nutball comes bounding back. Instead, he says, “I’ll need some gauze and bandages.”

Glad for the task, Raph sets about doing just that, gathering the needed supplies. By the time he brings them back, Donnie’s applied the ointment to his burned leg.

“It’s only a second degree,” Donnie says. “You got me out of there before it could do any lasting damage.”

“I got you in there in the first place,” Raph grumbles, his whole body singing with shame. “You’re only hurt because of me.”

“Mikey, could you go make sure Master Splinter and Leo know I’m not on Death’s door?” Donnie says, the sarcasm not lost on Raphael. Mikey glances between them quickly before nodding, offering no protest as he leaves to do Donnie’s bidding.

“I’m hurt because our enemies tried to kill me,” Donnie says seriously as soon as Mikey is gone. “They _didn’t_ because of you.”

“I should’ve listened to Leo,” Raph says, his arms crossed over his plastron. He begins pacing, unable to keep still. “I knew he was right about the place being boobytrapped out the butt, but I went charging in anyways.”

“And I went charging in after you,” Donnie says, stilling Raph’s pacing by reaching out to grab his arm. The gesture isn’t rough, though. In fact, Donnie’s warm hand feels wonderful on Raph’s skin. “Because that’s what we do for each other. A team covers for each other’s mistakes.”

“ _My_ mistakes, you mean,” Raph snarls, turning his head away. “Quoting Leo isn’t gonna make me feel any better, you know.”

“Fine, then I won’t,” Donnie says, letting go of his arm. Raph feels the loss keenly. “I’ll tell you what I think. I think you were foolish and reckless. I think if we were more careful, and employed Leo’s caution, there’s a chance we might not have been caught off-guard by that foot-bot.”

Raph frowns, bowing his head sorrowfully, eyeing Donnie’s burned leg.

“But I also think that the only thing you are guilty of is disobeying Leo’s order,” Donnie continues softly, “You’re not the one who tried to set me on fire, Raph. Do me a favor and stop lying to yourself about that.”

Raph pouts, finally meeting his brother’s eyes. In them he only sees sincerity and determination. It’s like Donnie _needs_ for Raph to understand what he’s saying.

“You don’t blame me,” Raph simplifies, “Even though you should.”

“I don’t blame you because I shouldn’t,” Donnie insists.

“I may not have aimed that flamethrower at you, Donnie,” says Raph, “But I may as well have. I aimed it at all four of us by jumping the gun. I let my emotions get the better of me and there were consequences. So how the hell am I not responsible for that?”

“Everything that happened tonight was correlation, not causation,” Donnie answers. “But yes, you’re right. One thing led to another, and now I’m injured. That doesn’t mean you wanted this to happen. What you did want, and succeeded in doing, was saving my life. _That’s_ what I’ll blame you for. _That’s_ what I’ll remember.”

Raph stops pacing, turning to face Donnie.

“I messed up,” he says, his emotions like fire bursting out of all of his seams. It was the flames of his anger, the spark of his impatience, the fire of his need to prove himself that burned Donnie tonight. “I messed up, and now you’re hurt.”

“Not too much anymore,” Donnie says with a soft smile. A smile that starts a new kind of fire in Raph’s chest. “The ointment’s got lidocaine.”

“You know what I meant, genius,” Raph growls, but he can’t help a small smile of his own. It sours into a frown as he eyes the wound once more. “You’re hurt, and I’m never gonna forgive myself for that.”

“You have to, Raph,” Donnie says. “You can’t hold onto these things. It’ll kill you.”

“I can’t just let it go like it’s nothing.”

“Then don’t. Remember your mistakes so you don’t make them again, but don’t hold onto the blame and guilt. They’ll do nothing but eat at you from the inside, and I can’t let you do that to yourself. Please, Raph, take the genius’ advice on this one.”

Raph chuckles softly, and nods. If it were anyone else, Raph wouldn’t have bothered keeping that promise. But because it’s Donnie, he does.

 

**~~~  
Part 3: Ignition  
~~~**

It happens without warning. There is no dance, no prelude. They don’t need any. They’re brothers; they already know each other inside out.

And one night, they decide they want to know even more than that.

It doesn’t involve words. Donnie’s the word guy, but Raph prefers to _do_ rather than tell, and what he does to Donnie prevents him from speaking.

He’s not silent, however. He’s making quite a lot of noise, actually, noises that further fuel that fire in Raph’s loins. It’s a good thing the others are out, otherwise Donnie’s noises might wake them.

It’s when he’s pounding into Donnie that he realizes how much he needs him. It is not only desire that drove him to fuck his brother, but a genuine necessity. It's no secret that within Raphael is a fire, always burning, always ready to flare up and rage.

And sometimes that fire flickers and burns low. So low that it almost dies, and without it Raph would not be Raph. He knows, somehow, that the fire within him _is_ him, and that if it dies, so does he.

Like when he watched his father die, and it felt like his fire was stolen from him, and for a moment he forgot what it was to be angry, to hate, because he was so full of grief that it rocked him, battered him like waves against a shore, nearly putting his fire out for good.

And then, little by little, his brothers had built it back up again. Mikey taught him what it was to be angry, to feel that edge where your temper gets so lost you have to fight to find it again. Leo gave him determination, the will to keep fighting, to get back up when you’ve been beaten down.

And Donnie gave him something Raphael can not put into words. Not neatly, or perfectly, at least.

It is its own kind of fire. A fire that burns so hot that nothing can put it out. And when Donnie realized what he’d done, he eagerly began to fan the flames.

Tangled in each other's arms, covered in each other’s sweat and remnants of their lovemaking, there are no words for that, either. Their lips meet, and it is a clash of flint on steel.

Their sparks ignite, and together they burn.


End file.
